Trump TV announces fall schedule

By Al Freedman
Television Correspondent

Trump TV, America's fastest-growing hate TV network, has formally announced its fall lineup in a series of tweets from its founder, CEO, Head Honcho of Programming, and Top PR Executive Donald J. Trump.  Although the new shows are creating a lot of buzz, many are questioning the loss of long-running hits like Force 10 to Benghazi and The Man from Kiev, starring suave international man of mystery Paul Manafort.

Winsome Trump TV spokesmodel and star Katrina Pierson
at the gala roll-out of the new season

Trump has high hopes for all of his new shows which he terms “fabulous” and “incredible” [Fact check: true – Ed.].  But he is said to be particularly proud of his new domestic comedy I Married a Weiner starring Huma Abedin.  “It's got sex, it's got the Muslim Brotherhood, it's got e-mails, it's got it all,” he boasted, while hard at work on one of his world-class golf courses valued at $1 for property tax purposes.

Other Trump TV shows include:

• Law and Order: ADU.  Join Sheriff Joe Arpaio and the rest of his posse at the Alien Deportation Unit as they raid homes, stores, schools, and playgrounds to deport dangerous Mexican rapists, most under 12, along with their parents, grandparents, and baby siblings, in a totally humane way.  Best of all, there are no boring courtroom scenes because they're just loaded onto buses and dumped into the Rio Grande.

• Loose Bannon.  Personality-driven detective story featuring hard-charging creative writer Steve Bannon.  Each week Steve breaks a sensational crime story and discovers he made it all up.  The two-hour premiere features Bannon tracking down an especially dangerous “renegade Jew.”

  

  Trump has high hopes for this exciting deportation procedural.

• Everybody Hates Chris.  This is described as a heart-blocking [Surely, heartwarming? – Ed.] family comedy featuring blundering fat man Chris Christie as he juggles fetching Donald's dry cleaning and Big Macs with the challenge of running one of America's largest states into the ground.  When the Feds find his deleted texts, hilarity is sure to follow!

• The Katrina Show.  Another character-driven comedy starring lovable bumbler Katrina Pierson, who says crazy stuff every night on CNN after wrapping up her day job as a hostess at the Boca West Denny's.  In the pilot episode, Katrina goes on a blind date at the shooting range that goes wrong when she accidentally guns down the guy she was supposed to meet.

“But it's not just scripted shows, which cost too much money anyway,” Trump said.  “We've also got tremendous reality shows.”

America's scariest man will host America's scariest show

The reality slate on Trump TV boasts among others:

• America's Scariest Home Videos starring Rudy Giuliani.  Each week the scariest man on TV introduces a series of videos supposedly shot in the United States of Moroccans swarming across the border.  The comic relief is provided by sidekick paroled felon Bernie Kerik.

• “What Have You Got to Lose?”  This quiz show features three bullet-riddled black contestants competing for the right to leave their drug and violence plagued neighborhoods for a weekend at America's top resort, Mar-a-Lago (air fare not included).  Although Newt Gingrich has signed on as MC, the show's premiere has been delayed until enough desperate Negroes can be found. 

The creative genius behind Trump TV also promised a hard-hitting slate of specials including a medical exposé starring Roger Ailes called Hillary Clinton: Name That Disease.