News from Zontar: Child Sacrifice Cult in Plague-Ridden Land

 

Editors' Note:  The Spy's prize-winning Deep Space Desk monitors transmissions from around the universe as part of its increasingly desperate search for intelligent life in other galaxies, to make up for the loss of same here on Earth.  This week a frightening dispatch from Zontar in the Remulac system demonstrates just how alien alien life can be and how grateful we should be that there's nothing even remotely like it any place on the planet we call – [They catch the drift – Ed.]

 

From ZBC Galaxy News Correspondent Zatty Zay

I have returned from the Planet Karendon, where a terrible plague has led to a dramatic increase in the rate of child sacrifice on that unfortunate planet.  A warning that some of the details I am about to describe would be upsetting to any oxygen-based life form.

For generations, Karendon has been admired around the galaxy for its material riches, its power, and the excitement and vibrancy of its cultural and social life.  And yet, with all its advantages, Karendon has never managed to figure out how to live in peace without frequent bloodletting.

These Karendonian children may be sacrificed
to appease Zonald 

 

For decades disturbing reports of a cult of child sacrifice have circulated throughout the galaxy.  These reports suggest that children while attending schools on Karendon are randomly shot and killed by criminals with lethal high-powered weapons.

When citizens of Karendon are asked why they permit these ritual child sacrifices to continue without surcease, they reply that these sacrifices are the price they have to pay to an obscure deity, known on no other planet in the universe as the “Zecond Amendment,” which in their view requires forfeiting the lives of their most precious possessions to appease the members of the gun-wielding cult that worships this idol.

Over the decades, hundreds of children have been sacrificed, randomly and without warning, at the altar of this steel and gunpowder deity.  Although a majority of Karendonians are actually known to oppose this ritual bloodletting, they are powerless to overcome the devoted adherents of this cult of death.

 

And yet despite the pain and anguish this cult of child sacrifice has caused on Karendon, a recent plague now threatens untold hundreds of thousands of children.

 

For the last six months, Karendon has been ravaged by a dangerous and frightening plague identified as ZOVID-99.  This highly contagious disease has already claimed 165,000 lives on Karendon.  Over 5 million Karendonians have been afflicted.  White most recover quickly, a minority still struggle with the possibly lifelong consequences of this plague.

 

Incredibly enough, the Karendonians, instead of initiating and following the measures that its scientists have told them will effectively control the plague and save lives, they have instead embraced dangerous practices endorsed by the bizarre bronze-painted leader of the ruling cult on Karendon, Zonald.

Scientists have told Karendonians to wear masks over their gills to prevent transmission of the plague and to test all Karendonians daily to be able to isolate those with the plague from the healthy mass of citizens.

Who will save these children?

Yet Zonald has refused to follow these instructions and has instead issued a series of increasingly violent and unhinged injunctions to his unfortunate subjects, including drinking or injecting poison.

But while most Karendonians have ignored the advice to ingest highly toxic chemicals, they seem to be willing to embrace a massive extension of child sacrifice.

Zonald has told his subjects to send their children back to school without masks or other measures that would protect them from contracting the plague and transmitting it to their teachers and family members.

This reckless act of child endangerment could lead to hundred of thousands of additional children sacrificed to the cult now headed by Zonald, not to mention the potential millions of cases that these children could pass on to vulnerable adults.

Despite the obvious insanity of Zonald's order, in many regions of Karendon, Zonald's followers are blindly following along.  In the swamps of Zorida, Zonald's lieutenant, Zon Death Santiz, is requiring children to march to their deaths in public schools.  In the neighboring satrap of Zeorzia, another remorseless Zonald henchman has tried to prohibit his hapless subjects from protecting their children with masks and other effective measures.

Despite a non-stop drumbeat of official propaganda from Zonald's TV network, Zox, many Karendonians refuse to risk the lives of their children.  Yet loyal followers of Zonald have stated their willingness to sacrifice their offspring to appease Zonald's bottomless vanity:

 

This fatalism is typical of those wretched Karendons who have blindly expressed their fealty to Zonald by sending their children into harm's way.  

How many innocent young Karendons will die before the citizens of this wretched planet realize that their blind adherence to multiple cults of child sacrifice cannot be estimated.  Some fear that the death toll could rise into the millions and even then –  [That's enough News from Zontar.  It's too depressing even for me – Ed.]