By Ida Tarbell
Spy Washington Bureau
Tyrants leave us in different ways. Some are strung up at an Italian garage. Some are stabbed in the Roman Forum. Some are permitted a cushy retirement some place insulated from the vengeance of their victims.
But by far the most satisfying ending is the bunker scene. You know, the one where the increasingly deranged dictator, knowing the end is near, rails against everyone and anyone, screams about conspiracies, and bemoans how by the time he got to Franklin's Barbecue, all they had was cole slaw.
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| He's done after the bunker scene |
And after four nightmarish years of corruption, cruelty, insanity and most recently appalling death and suffering, it looks like we're now getting our bunker scene: President Super Spreader bounces off the walls of the White House, surrounding by a few “loyal” aides in hazmat suits, threatening vainly to rain death and destruction on his enemies, while accusing his former henchmen of disloyalty.
The orgy of self-destruction is fun to watch although we're still a little wary of how many lives are yet to be lost before Pres Super Spreader immolates himself.
But then we were wondering about what happens to the tyrant's lackeys? Do they loyally stick by him to the deep-fried end? Or do they escape through the U Bahn tunnels to fight again another day? Already many of the tyrant's most loathsome and up to now loyal henchmen are showing signs of fleeing the bunker to reach safety either in Argentina or as a cable news anchor.
Among the thuggish stooges now desperately trying to save themselves from the flaming wreckage that is the U Bum Administration is William “Torquemada” Barr, the hard-right Opus Dei operative who loyally led the mugging of the Mueller Investigation. First he suppressed the Mueller Report, while lying about its contents. Then he sought to counterattack by authorizing other Justice Department officials to pursue the insane theory that the investigation of the Russian interference into the 2016 campaign was a Democratic plot, so brilliantly executed that it had absolutely no effect on that campaign.
Surely a true believer like Torquemada Barr would not desert the bunker at this critical hour, you say?
Not so. In turns out that Barr is chiefly interested in where his next meal is coming from, not to mention in keeping his license to practice law so that he can coin many more millions. After all, he's the guy that made General Telephone what it is today. Which is nothing, although he himself gobbled up over $40 million in compensation for his work as its General Counsel.
Thus from a safe distance he has let it be leaked to the press [Surely, known? – Ed.] that he will in fact not indict real President Obama for an insane conspiracy theory before the election or indeed ever.
President Trump publicly pressured the Justice Department on Friday to move against his political adversaries and complained that Attorney General William P. Barr is not doing enough to deliver results of a probe into how the Obama administration investigated possible collusion between Russia and the 2016 Trump campaign.
The delayed report is “a disgrace,” and Trump’s 2016 Democratic opponent, Hillary Clinton, should be jailed, Trump said in a rambling radio interview, one day after he argued on Twitter that his current Democratic opponent, Joe Biden, is a criminal who should be barred from running. . . .
Trump said he is disappointed in Barr over the federal probe, the results of which Barr has told Republicans will not be ready before the Nov. 3 election, said people familiar with the discussions who, like others, spoke on the condition of anonymity because they were not authorized to discuss the investigation.
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| Katrina, get out now! |
Later, he added: “That’s a disgrace. I think it’s a disgrace. It’s an embarrassment.”
Traitors, he's surrounded by traitors.
By the way, have you heard a single elected Republican condemn the endless threats to jail political opponents as the assault on democracy that it is? Hint: it's still crowded in that bunker.
As the sounds of shellfire come ever closer to the White House, we wonder who will be next to desert the bunker and live to fight again another day.
Certainly crooked grifter Mike Pompeo, who daily abuses his office as Secretary of State to promote his own political future, seems to be looking at the emergency exits with newfound interest:
But Obama and Biden weren’t the only ones Trump implicated in crimes and suggested he wanted his Cabinet officials to target. He also expressed rare dissatisfaction with Pompeo, who he said should release some sort of new information on Hillary Clinton’s emails.
“They’re in the State Department, but Mike Pompeo has been unable to get them out, which is very sad actually. I’m not happy about him for that reason,” Trump said. “He was unable to get that. I don’t know why. You’re running the State Department; you’re able to get them out.”
So where are the emails, Pompey? One hint may have come from The New York Times this morning, who viewed the topic of Hillary Clinton's emails with rather less interest than they evinced in 2016:
Neither Mr. Trump nor Mr. Pompeo explained why they would release the emails now, in the final weeks of a hotly contested presidential campaign, given that they could have done so at any point in the past four years. Nor did they explain why they would seek to prove that Mrs. Clinton was too casual with emails containing classified information by releasing emails containing classified information.
When an aqueduct of Conventional Wisdom as sturdy as Maggie Haberman in effect threatens to cut you off without a drop, a thirsty pol like Pompeo would be well advised to listen.
What of the other gangsters? We assume that Wilbur Ross and Ben Carson will sleep through the apocalypse without difficulty. Others, like Chris “Trouble in Ft. Lee” Christie, have a few other problems right now, like where their next breath is coming from.
The small band of courtiers in possession of the genitalia Pres U Bum likes to grab seems to have fled the premises, unwilling to do anything to jeopardize the future of future cable news hits like “Count-the-Dead Washington with Hope Hicks and Kellyanne Conway.” Unthinkable, you say? Hope and Kellyanne know full well what happened to those hard-core lunatics who successfully shut down the Dade County recount in long-ago 2000. It's a fascinating story but one you're not likely to hear from MSNBC star and former Lily Pulitzer rioter Nicolle D. Wallace.
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| "Good morning, Pocatello! I'm Kayleigh McEnaney and we're so glad you could join us for Action News at 5 a.m." She hopes. |
What about those nearest and dearest to the soon to be departed tyrant? As for Li'l Grifter, his future career as a Republican nominee for President has gone, shall we say, “off the rails.” Ivanka, Jared, and Eric are likely to find their new accommodations in Otisville, N.Y. to be not up to their standards, if Michael Cohen is to be believed. And we'll bet Melania has already read up on extradition from dear old Slovenia. Good news: no treaty!
Pres Super Spreader's loyal Senatorial allies, while not in the actual bunker due to COVID, may think they can escape by dumping their supremo down the same memory hole that devoured George W. Bush and Dick *cue screaming* Cheney, but before they plan to seize power from what they think will be a weak divided Weimar America, they need to come to terms with a terrifying prospect.
A bunker scene doesn't actually have to end with the demise of its raving protagonist. At the end, he can retreat to his redoubt in Palm Beach and, until his appeals are exhausted, he can continue to control the Republican Party troops by the simple expedient of calling into some Fox “News” true believer hatefest and issuing marching orders, which the survivors will be too craven to disobey.
So Lindsay and Tom and Ted and God only knows what other vile goober thinks he (or she – Hi, Nikki!) will survive to the 2024 elections should listen carefully to the high point of every bunker scene: when the tyrant raves about the importance of loyalty to the end. And beyond.
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