The Spy's Ace Pundit Deeply Reports the 2024 Campaign

Editors' Note: The race for the 2024 Republican Presidential nomination is on, and a wide variety of election-denying Putin-lovin' truth-hating white supremacists have announced or seem to be dancing around a Presidential run in their white go-go boots.  High time to call upon the keen insights of the Spy's master political prognosticator, David Bloviator, who has been carrying out his world class deep reporting from his vantage point at the center of all political intelligence, the National Press Club bar.

TMS:    Good afternoon, Mr. Bloviator.  It's such a pleasure to talk with you at the outset of what – your 11th Presidential campaign, and drink deeply of your decades of wisdom.

DB: Speaking of which, why don't you open a tab and get me a double-Chivas rocks, your impudent pup?

TMS: Gladly.  Double Chivas-rocks for Mr. Bloviator.

The great man considers the Republican field.

DB: [inhales his drink].  Ah, now we can get down to the hard work of handicapping the race for the 2024 Republican Presidential nomination.

TMS: And how does it look?

DB:  The big question is whether the Republican base is tired of their long-time standard bearer, Donald Trump, and ready to consider fresh new faces to carry on their fight.

TMS: So Republican voters are getting tired of Donald Trump's corruption, lies, and fomenting hate?

DB:  Of course not, you fool.  They still love Trump's views.  They just aren't sure he's the right person to get back to the White House.

TMS: They like the racism?  They like the truckling to Vladimir Putin?  They like the support for subversion and insurrection? 

DB:  Yes.  They are values voters.

TMS: What values?

DB: They are firmly pro-life.

TMS: Is that why they oppose feeding hungry children and expanding Medicaid to save the lives of those who cannot afford to pay for health care? 

DB:  You don't understand.

TMS: What don't I understand?

DB: You don't understand that they resent being shamed by coastal elites.

TMS: You mean for their support of white supremacy and subversion?

DB: They feel that their concerns are being ignored.  Look at the freight derailment in East Palestine, Ohio.

TMS: You mean the one caused by Republican deregulation and support of railroad monopolists who are more interested in buying back their own stock than investing in needed safety improvements?

DB: You've got to look at the optics, man.  Speaking of optics, I can see the bottom of my glass.

TMS: Another round for Mr. Bloviator.  What were the optics?

DB:  Republicans criticized Biden for being out of the country after the derailment.

TMS: So Republicans think that Biden should have not visited Kyiv and stayed to cement allied support in a time of war?

DB: My sources are telling me that the Republicans believe that Biden's support for Ukraine can be used against him.

TMS: Which sources?  The anonymous Republican consultants who email you talking points daily? 

DB: Dammit, man, you know nothing about deep reporting.  I keep my finger on the pulse of America's leading political authorities.  It's how I know what's on the minds of average voters.

TMS: Wouldn't it be better to leave Washington and speak to voters across the country?

DB: [Shudders].  What a revolting idea.  Clearly you have no idea how political journalism works.

TMS: Maybe we should talk about the candidates.  Who are the leading contenders?

Florida AP History: students gather to welcome new classmate

DB: Donald Trump is still the favorite.  Did you see his appearance in East Palestine?  

TMS: Where he handed out expired water and surplus merch?  Why was that such a winner?

DB: You don't get it.  He went to McDonald's.

TMS: Did he buy anyone a Big Mac? 

DB: That's not important. The important part was that he showed up and made the derailment part of his culture war.

TMS: You mean his hate campaign?  Wasn't he responsible for repealing railroad safety regulations that might have prevented the accident and refusing to consider new ones?

DB: He's a populist.  But some of his base has begun to look for alternatives.

TMS: You mean corrupt hatemongers who haven't lost three elections in a row?

DB: Now you're talking about Florida Gov. Ron DeSantis, who was re-elected in a landslide last year. Liberals could learn a lot from him.

TMS: Like what?  How to censor books and course content?

DB: He understands the concerns of parents who don't want their children to be indoctrinated.

TMS: Doesn't he want to indoctrinate kids with white supremacist myths about America? 

DB: What about the threat of trans groomers using the men's bathroom?  That's very upsetting to lots of parents.  Liberals ignore that at their peril.  If you don't believe me, ask Prunella Pill.

TMS: You mean Pamela Paul?  There is no such threat by the way. 

DB: That's besides the point. 

TMS: What about other contenders? 

DB: Nikki Haley is a fresh face.  She is basing her appeal on the desire for a new generation to hold office in America.

TMS: A new generation with the same racist ideas? 

DB: Look at her.  She's an ethnic something or another.  Anyway she's brown. 

TMS: And yet despite her own minority status, she continues to assert that there's no racism problem in America. 

DB: That's the best way to appeal to the Republican base.  Look at Tim Scott.  He's Black all over and he still stands with Trump. 

The key to political success: optics

TMS: So Republicans will consider a Black man or a South Asian woman as long as they pander to the prejudices of white racists? 

DB: Now you're learning something about politics.  That calls for another double-Chivas. 

TMS: If all candidates agree with Trump about everything, how can they distinguish themselves? 

DB: With energy, optimism, and white go-go boots.  Also they can remind Americans how old Biden is.

TMS: He made a brave trip to a war zone right after crushing the State of the Union Address.  He didn't look too old then. 

DB: You're focusing on the optics. 

TMS: That's what you told me to do. 

DB: Dammit, man, don't you understand that optics always favor Republicans?  You clearly haven't done enough deep reporting on American politics. 

TMS: Maybe we've had enough deep reporting for one afternoon.  Thank you, Mr. Bloviator.