Editors' Note: Our new Director of On-Line Revenue Optimization, Sir Nigel Pelf-in-Boots KCMG, formerly the legendary Special Operations Editor of London's famous Daily Tosser and TossItOnline.uk has agreed to join the Spy as soon as he has completed his “special assignment” at Bow Street Magistrates' Court. While he continues to work with his special adviser Horace Rumpole on “freeing up his diary,” he has graciously agreed to provide advice to us on how to transform our admittedly-tired on-line presence and bring down the average age of Spy readers to something below where it is today (one foot in). His first brilliant original insight is to drive reader engagement with a news quiz. As the most successful news quiz tests knowledge of The New York Times, he suggested we just copy that.
So voilá, please enjoy this inaugural edition of our New York Times Quiz!
1. The Republican nominee for President, suffering from dementia and exhaustion, has announced he is backing out of a previously-agreed debate with his Democratic rival. How did The New York Times cover this embarrassing display of cowardice?
A.
B.
C.
D. All of the above
2. Trump continues to make blatantly racist statements about his Democratic rival including at a forum at a convention of Black journalists. What euphemisms will the Times use to avoid the word “racist?”
A. Racially-tinged
B. Racially-charged
C. Racially-spiced
D. Divisive
3. Trump's blatant racist appeals would appear to disqualify him from contention as a candidate. How will the Times describe the effect of his naked appeals to white supremacists?
A.
B.
In This Mississippi Diner, They're Sick of Hearing About All of This Race Stuff
C.
Will Harris's Emphasis on Her Race (or Races!) Cost Her Working Class Support in Vital Swing States?
D.
Some Black Men Not Sold on Harris, Showing that Race is Not Necessarily a Winning Issue This Year For Her
4. American education is under attack by Republican extremists, as shown by threats against School Librarians, LGBTQ teachers, and lessons on tolerance, and siphoning off public money to support private schools inculcating religious extremism. Which aspect of this issue gets front-page treatment from The New York Times?
A. Sending taxpayer dollars to pay for vouchers for the rich starves public schools.
B. Extremists continue to prevent students from reading about anything they don't approve, like stories that treat LGBTQ people or penguins as not agents of Satan.
C. Teachers remain systematically underpaid in Republican-owned states
D.
5. Which of the following serious problems will be mined by that hilarious dual act, Bretbug & Collins, for comedy gold?
A. The hilarious irony that the Democratic nominee's husband committed adultery 30 years ago.
B. The hilarious irony that the running mate of a white racist has a South Asian wife
C. The hilarious irony that Black people are still complaining about racism when Simone Biles won all those Olympic medals.
D. The hilarious irony that unemployment has gone up while these two useless hacks still have paychecks
6. Which issue will be both-sided by World's Greatest Authority David Brooks?
A. Italian smoked deli meats vs. American imitators?
B. Dumping your first wife for a dishier younger one (like Emhoff!)
C. “Identity politics” (by which the ol' Perfesser means minorites complaining about pervasive bigotry and bigots complaining about minorities).
D. Republicans failing to understand the complex reality of the American family and Democrats failing to understand the complex reality of what looks, sounds, and smells like white bigotry?
7. Trans people continue to suffer outrageous discrimination and torment at the hands of religious and Republican bigots. Whom will the Times rely on to provide expert analysis of this complex subject?
A. A children's book author.
B. Bretbug's first wife.
C. Senator John Thune.
D. Therapists who have been working with children and their parent for decades to help them work through issues of gender identity.
 |
| Salami Dave serving up Both Sides! |
8. Whom will the Times rely on to analyze Trump's insane hate- and lie-filled rally rants?
A. Their television editor
B. Their theater critic
C. Their dance critic
D. A historian who notes the 60-year tradition of Republicans appealing to white racists.
9. The Times printed 152 pieces on Biden's supposed cognitive and physical decline. How many pieces will they devote to Trump's efflorescent dementia?
A. 152
B. 15
C. 2
D. Depends on whether he will give an interview to King Arthur XVI.
10. What serious faults will Maureen Dowd find with Kamala Harris?
A. Turned her down for an interview
B. Partied with celebrities without inviting her
C. Too uppity
D. Wouldn't condemn Hillary for not divorcing her horndog husband
Scoring (points): 1. A - 5; B - 5; C - 5; D - 20. 2. A - 5; B - 5; C - 10; D - 10. 3. 2. A - 20; B - 20; C - 10; D - 15. 4. A - minus 10; B - minus 10; C - minus 10; D -20. 5. A - 10; B - 20; C - 10; D - minus 20. 6. A - 0; B - 0; C - 20; D - 10. 7. A - 10; B -2 0; C - 10; D - minus 20. 8. A - 20; B - 15; C - 10; D - minus 20. 9. A - minus 20; B - 0; C - 10; D - 20. 10. A - 20; B - 10; C - 10; D - 20.
Grade: 0-50: Internet Troll; 50-100: Go play Wordle; 100-150: Engaged reader; 150-200: Potential Op-Ed Columnist.
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