EDITORS' NOTE: To settle litigation between Donald Trump and The Massachusetts Spy Media Group (C.I.) LLC arising out of the Spy's description of Trump as a “corrupt tangerine-faced racist rapist Russian stooge” and a “demented felon bent on subverting America and robbing it blind," Spy Media Group has agreed in exchange for dropping the litigation, it will provide Trump with $25,000,000 in free advertising. To be clear, the settlement does not contain any admission of liability, nor does it prevent Spy Media Group from continuing to refer to the Tangerine-Faced Fascist as a racist sex offender and Russian agent. Here's the $25M kiss:
Check out these great shows streaming nonstop on Trump+, now available on every channel, streaming platform, and news site now and forever!
NCIS: GUANTANAMO
Join Special NCIS Agents Alina Hubba-Hubba and Mel Gibson as they fight crime in the tropical paradise that is Guantanamo Bay. In the first episode, they train their machine guns on the first deportation flight of hardened criminals from the mainland U.S., include a 12-year-old shoplifter and an 18-year-old who got into a fight with her brother over a cellphone. Once safely behind barbed wire, these dangerous illegal aliens are put to working by performing for a visiting delegation of VIPs including Supreme Court Justice Clarence “My bags are packed” and Harlan Crow. Hilarity ensues when Thomas catches Hubba-Hubba sunbathing on the beach in her teeny weeny polka-dot bikini. No soda can is safe!
THE XY FILES
America is threatened by an invasion of alien trans creatures lurking in our bathrooms and on our athletic fields. Fortunately, Special Agents Nancy Mace and Lauren Boebert are on the case, using their big brains and bigger fake cans to protect us from these un-American scourges. Each week they bust down toilet stall doors in Capitol bathrooms and demand to see the right stuff. In the first episode, they investigate reports that a 16-year-old trans girl is playing field hockey in Fairfax County Virginia. After strip-searching all members of the team in the cafeteria, they find the culprit, who wins over Agent Boebert by showing her how to perform a hand job that no one can see. Co-starring Dr. Phil.
HEGSETH AFTER DARK
From the former NBC Studios in the Pentagon, suave ladies' man and guy's guy Pete Hegseth hosts this relaxed after-hours party-style talk show featuring he-man guests like Hulk Hogan and Joe Rogan and bodacious “dancers” from all branches of the armed services' favorite strip clubs. Join Pete and his guests as they perform goofy party stunts like blindfolded axe-throwing and scrambling America's nuclear strike forces just for s***s and giggles. On the first show, Pete and his boys conduct a live demonstration of the Army's new tactical wet T-shirts and booty shorts. Guess what – the guys give them two, um, thumbs up! Each week, watch Pete's Mom try to sneak in and spoil the fun only to be stopped by armed Marine Guards. And we don't want to give away too much, but just wait for the crossover episode with NCIS:Guantanamo. When you see (and hear!) Pete and Alina alone together in the Bachelors' Quarters after lights-out, you'll scream “anonymous smears!”
ELLIOTT NESS AND THE NEW UNTOUCHABLES
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| Public Enemy Number 1 |
You loved him in the 50's as an incorruptible Treasury agent leading a small band of honest agents keeping America safe from illegal alcohol. Now he's back, played by Jon Voight, leading a new squad of pardoned January 6 insurrectionists protecting America from untariffed avocados and tomatoes. The tommy guns are blazing as The New Untouchables riddle smuggled vegetables with lead, not to mention those driving the trucks as the Jan. 6 Shaman leads the cheers. Later Ness and his team will man the dangerous northern border in Detroit to save America from the menace of untaxed Canadian auto parts. In an exciting two-part episode, Ness ignores the advice of deep-state bureaucrats and invades Canada to kidnap the head of the smuggling syndicate Justin “My Son Baron” Trudeau. When you watch the thrilling conclusion, there will be tears in the your eyes and you'll say “Thank you, sir. I've never seen waterboarding like this!”
Due to extreme violence, Trump+ has rated this series Perfect Family Entertainment.
THE DR. BRAINWORM SHOW
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| Dr. Brainworm |
He's not a doctor, but he plays one as Secretary of Health and Human Services. Every day Bobby Kennedy, Jr. and his brainworm host an informative wellness-related gabfest. Must-see episodes include “The health benefits of heroin,” “Ten delicious healthful dinners you can make with roadkill, ” “Can raw milk cure STD's? It did for me!”, “Improve your mood by driving your ex-wife to suicide,” “Larry David got vaccinated and look at him!” , “When should you start your baby on steroids?”, “Prevent tooth decay by brushing with ivermectin,” and “Stuff I supposedly read somewhere.” Featuring an all-star array of guests, including President Donald Trump touting the health benefits of fried chicken, Cheryl Hines's tips for better living through all-day immersion in an isolation tank, and Olivia Nuzzi with her headlights on high.
BREEDERS' CUP STARING J.D. VANCE AND THE WASHINGTON HILLBILLIES
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| Who wants to breed? We do! |
Jimmy Don and his fellow hillbillies have arrived in Washington from the backwoods of West Virginia and the Transvaal and they're ready to shake things up! To inspire white men and women to breed white babies, thereby preventing the collapse of Western Civilization as we know it (in the wise words of Jefferson Davis), Jimmy Don hosts this exciting reality series in which three teams from Utah, Idaho and Kentucky compete to see who can drop the most white babies. There's plenty of fun and controversy, including whether the Utah team has an unfair advantage because they can inseminate multiples wives in one afternoon, or whether the Kentucky team can use Elon Musk's sperm to breed a race of backwoods super meth-heads. Winners get food stamps, free self-driving Cybertrucks to crash into their trailers and a year's supply of Jimmy Don's Manscara. When you need to hide your beady dead eyes, just use Jimmy Don's Manscara! And look for a very special guest star who tells the breeding women, “You're inseminated!”
ICE STATION ERIC
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| Take that, Denmark! |
Thrilling high-tech action-adventure series shot on location in Greenland starring expendable second son Eric Trump leading a highly-trained strike force to conquer that resource-rich island in the name of the United States. Using advanced technology (an iPhone), Eric is followed every step of the way by Ladies' Man Pete Hegseth issuing instructions from the Pentagon Op Center (except when Jasmine is on the pole), and supported by the US Space Force, already on the ice in Greenland.
While our supposed allies, led by weak emotional women and beta soi boys like Keith Starmer, dither uselessly, Eric and his team roll across the mighty island, claiming the ice and snow, and all that lies beneath it, for Dad and Country, but mostly Dad. In one special episode, Eric is joined in battle by number one failson Donny Jr., who leaves in disgust after finding out the island's supply of snow was not what he was expecting!
And best of all, you don't have to pay one penny in monthly fees to enjoy this steaming pile of entertainment. You pay for it with the diversion of your tax dollars to support Trump thanks to his ownership of the federal payment system and exciting new taxes on groceries, building supplies, and other necessities you use every day!
It's yuge!
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