Saturday, October 31, 2020

A word from our special election correspondent, Moshe


Again this year, we know that most of you are waiting to learn whom The Spy will endorse in the Presidential election before casting your ballot.  Very wise.

In this hour of national catastrophe, we do not take this responsibility lightly.  We have ruminated about this choice endlessly.  To help us, we have enlisted the help of a great writer and thinker whose previous pronouncements have often been described as “prophetic.”  So please ponder these words of wisdom from our coreligionist, Moses:

You stand this day all of you, before the Lord your God  . . . your children, your wives, even the stranger within your camp . . . . See I set before you this day life and Joe Biden, death and Donald Trump . . . . If your heart turns away and you give no heed , . . I declare to you this day that you shall certainly perish . . . .

 The Lord will send on you curses, confusion and rebuke in everything you put your hand to, until you are destroyed and come to sudden ruin because of the evil you have done in forsaking him. The Lord will plague you with diseases until he has destroyed you from the land you are entering to possess.  The Lord will strike you with wasting disease, with fever and inflammation, with scorching heat and drought, with blight and mildew, which will plague you until you perish. The sky over your head will be bronze, the ground beneath you iron. The Lord will turn the rain of your country into dust and powder; it will come down from the skies until you are destroyed. [In other words, California – Ed.]

The Lord will cause you to be defeated before your enemies.  . . . Your carcasses will be food for all the birds and the wild animals, and there will be no one to frighten them away.  The Lord will afflict you with the boils of Egypt and with tumors, festering sores and the itch, from which you cannot be cured.  The Lord will afflict you with madness, blindness and confusion of mind.  At midday you will grope about like a blind person in the dark. You will be unsuccessful in everything you do; day after day you will be oppressed and robbed, with no one to rescue you.

. . . .Your ox will be slaughtered before your eyes, but you will eat none of it. Your donkey will be forcibly taken from you and will not be returned. Your sheep will be given to your enemies, and no one will rescue them. Your sons and daughters will be given to another nation, and you will wear out your eyes watching for them day after day, powerless to lift a hand.  A people that you do not know will eat what your land and labor produce, and you will have nothing but cruel oppression all your days.   The sights you see will drive you mad.  The Lord will afflict your knees and legs with painful boils that cannot be cured, spreading from the soles of your feet to the top of your head. . . .

The foreigners who reside among you will rise above you higher and higher, but you will sink lower and lower. . . . They will be the head, but you will be the tail.

All these curses will come on you. They will pursue you and overtake you until you are destroyed, because you did not obey . . . and observe the commands and decrees he gave you. . . . Because you did not serve . . . joyfully and gladly in the time of prosperity, therefore in hunger and thirst, in nakedness and dire poverty, you will serve the enemies the Lord sends against you. He will put an iron yoke on your neck until he has destroyed you. . . .

If you do not carefully follow all the words of this law, which are written in this book, and do not revere this glorious and awesome name . . .  the Lord will send fearful plagues on you and your descendants, harsh and prolonged disasters, and severe and lingering illnesses.   He will bring on you all the diseases of Egypt that you dreaded, and they will cling to you.  The Lord will also bring on you every kind of sickness and disaster not recorded in this Book of the Law, until you are destroyed. You who were as numerous as the stars in the sky will be left but few in number, because you did not obey . . . .  Just as it pleased the Lord to make you prosper and increase in number, so it will please him to ruin and destroy you.

 . . . . You will live in constant suspense, filled with dread both night and day, never sure of your life. In the morning you will say, “If only it were evening!” and in the evening, “If only it were morning!”—because of the terror that will fill your hearts and the sights that your eyes will see.  The Lord will send you back in ships to Egypt on a journey I said you should never make again. There you will offer yourselves for sale to your enemies as male and female slaves, but no one will buy you.

I call heaven and earth to witness against you this day: I have put before your life and death, Biden and Trump.  Choose life – if you and your offspring would live . . . .


Our Special Correspondent would like
a word with you

[Deuteronomy] , ch. 30 v. 15-19, ch. 28, v. 20-67 (excerpts)

You listened last time (except for the idiots who voted for Jill Stein in Wisconsin, Michigan, and Pennsylvania).  So we're going to count on Moses again this year.

In 2016, we thought that Moses was talking metaphorically about life and death, like any good Reform Jew.  

Now that the Orange Whiner of Death sacrificed 235,000 human lives on the altar of his vanity, corruption and incompetence, we're not so sure.  

Maybe this time we should read these words the way Hasids do.  

You know, literally and seriously.

Stay safe out there.


The Editors


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