Editors' Note: 450 million vaccines administered. Historic legislation passed despite Republican obstruction. Stock market thriving. Unemployment down. Economic growth high. It all spells one thing: bad news for President Joe Biden. Why, you ask? Fortunately, the Spy's peerless political prognosticator, David Bloviator, who has covered Democrats in Disarray since 1964, is ready to serve up steaming hot helpings of conventional wisdom. We caught up with him back at his Washington listening post – the National Press Club bar.
TMS: Mr. Bloviator, it's a pleasure to welcome you back in person after almost two years of virtual prognostication.
DB: Yes, it is. I'll take a real double Chivas rocks and make it snappy.
TMS: Coming right up. Mr. Bloviator, you and the rest of the Washington punditocracy have stated that the Democrats are facing big political problems. Why is that?
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| The Spy's David Bloviator says Biden is in trouble |
DB: I can give you the answer in one word. Inflation. And wokeism.
TMS: Those are two words, actually. What's the situation with inflation?
DB: It is skyrocketing. It is soaring. It is flying to the moon on gossamer wings, just like one of those things. Pricing are rising at an unprecedented pace.
TMS: Actually, they're not. Inflation was much higher in the 70's and 80's.
DB: Don't tell me what life was like back then. That was before you were born. But my God families who are buying 5 gallons of milk a week are spending $42 a gallon.
TMS: Are you sure you haven't got it backwards, and you're thinking of a discredited CNN report about a family buying 42 gallons of milk a week at $5 per gallon?
DB: Stop quibbling. The price of milk is exploding.
TMS: You don't know how much a gallon of milk costs, do you?
DB: Never touch the stuff. Gives me the wind. Unlike the Chivas that should be in this glass. Fill it up like a good lad.
TMS: Right away, Mr. Bloviator.
DB: Speaking of inflation, did you know that the price of a bottle of Chivas has reached $90?
TMS: Who told you that?
DB: I ran into my old buddy Mark Penn '75 at the No Labels Third Way Agenda conference sponsored by Charlie Koch and he said that's how much he was charged by the Four Seasons.
TMS: But that's the hotel markup which I think Charlie Koch can afford. If you buy it at a liquor store, it's like $35.
DB: Why would I buy my own liquor when everyone is willing to give it to me for free?
TMS: Let's take another tack. If Biden must take the blame for rising prices, doesn't he get the credit for a soaring stock market and creating millions of jobs?
DB: Sorry, no.
TMS: Why not?
DB: Messaging.
TMS: What about the messaging?
DB: It's in disarray.
TMS: Isn't that because the media spend all their time and pixels focusing on a few recalcitrant Democrats and not on the substance of Biden's legislative agenda?
DB: No it's because the White House doesn't have a message. That's why the Republicans romped to victory in Virginia.
TMS: Are you sure it wasn't due to a lackluster retread candidate and a clearly racist message about public schools?
DB: I'm glad you asked. The Democrats are facing an electoral catastrophe, cataclysm, calamity, apocalypse and/or reckoning next year because they are too woke.
TMS: Can you define what it means to be too woke?
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| Another Biden failure |
DB: No but the electorate can.
TMS: And what is it?
DB: It's extreme positions like defund the police, mask mandates, and far-left social programs.
TMS: Can you name a single Democratic officeholder or candidate who supports defunding the police?
DB: That's not the point. The point is that people are afraid of having their traditional liberties being taken away by the state.
TMS: Which freedoms?
DB: You know, traditional freedoms like marching through a demonstration with a high-powered assault rifle. Or the freedom to not be vaccinated or wear masks.
TMS: After 785,000 deaths with another 1,000 plus every day, don't you think that a society has the right if not the duty to protect itself from a lethal pandemic?
DB: And they must do it in a bipartisan fashion.
TMS: But the the two key tools to ending the pandemic are 100% vaccination and masking, and Republicans oppose both.
DB: Dammit, man, just read The New York Times. Jon Weisman said this week
As cases surge once again in some parts of the country, Republicans have hit on a new line of attack: The president has failed on a central campaign promise, to tame the pandemic that his predecessor systematically downplayed
TMS: But he was just transcribing a Republican talking point, from the party that utterly failed to protect us from COVID when they were in power.
DB: You're falling into the Republican trap, as Weisman told you if you would only listen:
But Republican strategists and pollsters say Democrats should not be so quick to brush off the criticism, even if many Covid-related deaths this year were among those who ignored Mr. Biden’s entreaties to get vaccinated.
TMS: So protecting Americans from a lethal pandemic over Republican opposition is too woke. What else you got?
DB: What about Maureen Dowd's brother Kevin? We haven't heard from him in years.
TMS: That racist liar?
DB: See, you're cancelling him.
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| How come we haven't heard from Kevin Dowd lately? |
TMS: What's the difference between cancelling someone and pointing out that their ideas suck?
DB: None. That's the problem. And what about poor Bari Weiss?
TMS: What about her? She's living huge on right wing finagler money and self-professed martyrdom.
DB: She was driven out of The New York Times by wokeism.
TMS: You mean her colleagues criticized her pisspoor whining masquerading as political commentary?
DB: Exactly.
TMS: Isn't all this talk about wokeism just a smokescreen to conceal the traditional Republican appeal to white racism?
DB: Now you sound like that 1916 girl.
TMS: 1619? Girl? You mean Professor Nikole Hannah-Jones? That's a great compliment. Thank you, Mr. Bloviator.
DB: Are we done? How about one more Chivas-rocks for the road?
TMS: No.
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