Sunday, July 30, 2017

Summer Review of Unreadable Books: My Vineyard House. Not yours, mine

Editors' Note:  It's summer, and what could be better than lying on a hammock on the deck of your Vineyard beach house enjoying the view of Chilmark Pond and a good book?  Don't have either one? We can help you with the former, and as for the latter, we can at least steer you away from a few unreadable turkeys from a genre we never never knew existed: memoirs of my wonderful Vineyard house.

To the New Owners: A Martha's Vineyard Memoir
by Madeline Blais
Atlantic Monthly Press
$26, already marked down to $17.10

Would Everyone Please Stop?
by Jenny Allen
Sarah Crichton Books [Didn't she once have a Vineyard house, too? – Ed.]
$25, already marked down to $15.13

Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a nice summer house on Martha's Vineyard? Spoiler alert: it's pretty nice. We've now saved you time and money, as you no longer have to read the unreadable memoirs of a middle-aged woman who once had a nice summer house on the Vineyard (Blais) or still lives in a slightly-less nice one (Allen).  If this doesn't sound to you like a compelling basis for a memoir, you're not alone!

Our two writers earned their Vineyard retreats the old-fashioned way: boning.  Just kidding!  That might get you a weekend at the Vineyard but to ensure a lifetime of summer bliss, you've actually got to reel in the rich guy or his son.  Sadly for Ms. Blais, her idyll was interrupted by the decision of her husband's siblings to unload the old homestead for a big wad of cash.  Better get out your hankies if you want to read further.

Apparently she moans at great length about how the Vineyard used to be an affordable, off-the-beaten-track retreat for non-rich folks who for example worked in government, like her father-in-law Nick Katzenbach.  We remember years ago there was a guy with that same name who bought a big house on the Vineyard from the modest rewards he garnered from his humble toil as General Counsel of the IBM Corporation, but maybe that was a different Nick Katzenbach.

Now she's mad at the new owner, who, like most people writing multi-million dollar checks for Vineyard property, is rich as s***.  This is certainly a terrible turn of events, although maybe not as bad as tens of millions losing health insurance or the millions imperiled by global warming.

This Vineyard paradise could be yours for $2.1 million.
Perfect for future memoirs.
By the way, if you are rich as s*** and you'd like a priceless family heirloom with a private beach and unparalleled water views, we've got a house for you! (See pic).

Jenny Allen, having married a wealthy older guy and his Vineyard house, enjoyed several decades of swanning around with the Vineyard glitterati.  When she was kicked to the curb for a younger model (and how could she foresee that, having married her 52-year-old husband when she was 25?), she had to leave her big beautiful Vineyard house and move into somewhat more humble accommodation in West Tisbury.  She also had cancer.  Mix together and serve as memoir.

As noted, we have a Vineyard house for sale.  We had cancer.  We knew rich people at the Vineyard and elsewhere.  Are you waiting breathlessly for our memoir?  Somehow we doubt it.

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