The Obituary Page of The Massachusetts Spy
Editors' Note: The news that corrupt depraved lunatic and disbarred mouthpiece Rudy Giuliani lay on death's door in a Florida hospital (itself a bad sign) erupted over all media earlier this week, leading everyone, including us, to refresh our draft obituaries of the old scoundrel. Unfortunately, despite a liver with more fat spots than a mortadella, the door remained shut. What to do? Then we saw a social media post suggesting that the obituaries be printed now, when their subject, and his remaining toadies and apologists, could see how he and they will be remembered. The more we thought about this, the more we liked it. So while the cousin-marrier remains barely alive, we offer a special preview edition of his obsequies.
By Obituary Editor Luke Reschuss
The news that Rudy Giuliani had been struck by what seemed to be a fatal illness was received with the same lack of interest that normally attends the demise of a forgotten ex-celebrity. But he can not be so easily dismissed, because the arc of his sordid life tracks the progress of the Republican Party and its legions of white male a*******s from Nixonian dog-whistles and dirty tricks to the Mad King's bats*** crazy sadism and evil.
Just this week, another volume of madness was added to the annals of his infamy, with the release of his grand jury testimony about his efforts to smear and terrorize Georgia election workers by lying about the 2020 election.
He starts strong:
I'm seventy -- 77, I think. I get confused sometimes -- 77, 78.
Who among us doesn't remember their age?
He then responded with the candor and commitment to honesty that marked his whole career:
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| Read all about when Rudy was Mayor |
ADA WADE: So -- so just -- just to be clear, the -- the question was: What is your legal definition of the Fifth Amendment? Your response was, You would invoke the Fifth Amendment.
THE WITNESS: Correct.
As the innocent always do.
And like the independent courageous tell-it-like-it-is guy that he pretended to be, he responded eloquently to the question of who won the 2020 election:
ADA WADE: Mr. Giuliani, who won the 2020 presidential election?
THE WITNESS: I -- I will invoke the Fifth Amendment, on the advice of counsel, as well as the attorney-client privilege and the work-product privilege.
By the way his performance in the George election litigation led a jury of his peers to, um, disbar him, an extraordinarily rare sanction usually reserved for lawyers who steal their clients' funds or are convicted of various horrible crimes:
As to the sanction, the Referee’s disbarment recommendation is amply supported by the record and should be confirmed. The seriousness of respondent’s misconduct cannot be overstated. Respondent flagrantly misused his prominent position as the personal attorney for former President Trump and his campaign, through which respondent repeatedly and intentionally made false statements, some of which were perjurious, to the federal court, state lawmakers, the public, the AGC, and this Court concerning the 2020 Presidential election, in which he baselessly attacked and undermined the integrity of this country’s electoral process. In so doing, respondent not only deliberately violated some of the most fundamental tenets of the legal profession, but he also actively contributed to the national strife that has followed the 2020 Presidential election, for which he is entirely unrepentant. The aggravation cited by the Referee, which includes respondent’s disruptive and disrespectful behavior during the hearing, significantly outweighs the mitigation and only adds to the case for his disbarment.
His career ended in madness and disgrace. Let's recall how it began.
After marrying his cousin, Giuliani served in various career and then political position in Reagan's bent Justice Department. He did some useful work prosecuting inside traders but spent most of his time peddling the prevailing Republican law and order line, which meant pandering to white racists by unleashing the police on Black people.
His performance, and the white racist backlash to the election of a black Mayor (sound familiar?), led him to two terms as New York City Mayor, where he presided over the usual police reign of terror that in those days was justified as a response to supposedly out of control crime. As the New York Civil Liberties Union so aptly summed up, “the rest of Rudy Giuliani’s mayoralty was driven by a hostility to free expression, police brutality and violence, and an authoritarian disregard for democracy....In the seven-and-a-half years before 9/11, let there be no mistake: racial bias, fear-mongering, and police brutality were the hallmarks of Giuliani’s mayoralty.”
The sordid particulars can be found here.
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| His finest hour |
One of his terrible decisions proved to have especially lethal consequences: locating the City's $60 million emergency operations center within the World Trade Center complex, knowing that the area had already been attacked by terrorists.
The decision to place the command bunker at the WTC, rather than the preferred location within Brooklyn's downtown Metrotech complex, was made so that Giuliani could preen before the cameras without having to schlep to what in those days was regarded as a backwater. Others claim that he located the center there so that he could have a convenient excuse to bang his girlfriend on the down low while still married to Donna Hanover.
His adequate and surprisingly empathic performance after 9/11 gave him celebrity and power to burn. And boy did he burn it.
While blowing most of his money on divorcing his second and third wives, not to mention booze, cigars, and other vices, he had the great brass balls to run for President as as Republican. But his watered-down racism and general weirdness appalled primary voters. He quit his campaign after achieving a total of one (1) delegate.
From there it was all downhill. His political ambitions permanently stifled, he tried to return to power by attaching himself to an even more loathsome and corrupt Republican: his fellow Republican louche lizard Donald Trump. His crude hate and lie filled rant about Hillary Clihton stood out at the insane clown convention.
He had hoped that his vile attacks would lead the Mad King to give him a big job in his Administration, like Secretary of State, but he failed to realize that the Donald was a solo act who had no use for other self-promoting loudmouths, however sycophantic. His belief that he could succeed in a job requiring judgment, tact, and discretion suggests his later alcohol-fueled dementia was already in full bloom in 2016.
With his money and reputation slipping away, he appointed himself the Mad King's personal lawyer, although of course the Mad King stiffed him for at least $2 million in legal fees.
Not realizing that he was being played as a fool, he then permanently fouled out of public life by spreading the Mad King's obvious lies about the 2020 election and the supposed corruption of the Biden Family. The total he falsely alleged to have been pocketed by the Bidens was of course small change compared to the billions stolen by the Mad King and his mouth-breathing failsons.
After the Mad King's attempted coup in 2021, he was regarded as so toxic and unreliable that he was barred from appearing on Fox “News.”. Imagine being too incredible to appear on the network that featured Jeannie Pirro and now Jesse Watters.
Facing creditors and legal judgments, he filed for bankruptcy in 2023, listing debts of over $500 million.
Bankrupt and disbarred, his last appearance on the world stage was as a horny old tosser about to drop trou and make a pass at a girl known to him only as Borat's 15-year-old daughter.
And now he's dead. Well, not quite, but we need to have this obit ready to roll.
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| Waiting for Rudy to return to his Florida bachelor pad |
So what's the point? Certainly there's the sheer joy of pounding on a truly vile and arrogant white man who used his power and privilege to enrich himself and get laid, while poisoning the political and racial environment of our United States.
But there's another aspect to his sordid life and imminent death. The arc of his life, bending from the coded racism and privilege of Nixonian Republicanism to the unabashed raw Fascism and naked corruption of the Mad King's Republican regime of terror, not only epitomizes the last 40 years of his party.
It also demonstrates to even the most meager intelligence, including our Wonderful Republican Allies seeking our votes for Congress and our eyeballs weekdays at 4, that there really isn't much if any distance between Republicans of the 70's and now.
If you don't believe us, look at the Supreme Court built by the Republicans over the past half century and what they have done to our democracy.
Our advice to our Wonderful Republican Allies: if you're asked about the difference between the Republicans of your era (like America's Mayor) and today, follow Rudy's example and take the Fifth.
Meanwhile Rudy, unlike his Fascist idol Generalissimo Francisco Franco, remains critically alive.
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