Hot off the Trail: Everyone's got advice for Democrats!

By Spy Political Columnist David Bloviator reporting from his listening post at the National Press Club bar with Meta-Content Generator A.J. Liebling

There's a midterm election scheduled for this November.  Who knows whether it will occur or whether its outcome will be respected by the Mad King regime and his Article I and III Republican enablers on Capitol Hill? 

But that's not important.  What's important is the believe universally held that Democrats, and only Democrats, are in desperate need of advice from every Harvard-Dalton jackass with a smartphone about What Democrats Must Do To Win.

(Notice that these same gasbags don't believe the Republicans are in any need of their wisdom, despite polling showing their support crashing.  Perhaps that's because every pundit knows that white supremacy, plutocracy, and election rigging remains a winning formula for Republicans, as it has generally since 1968.)

The advice dispensed to Democrats varies, chiefly according to the political beliefs of the dispenser. 

Self-styled “moderate” or “centrist” loudmouths demand that Democrats embrace positions they like, such as tormenting trans kids who want to play soccer, never demanding that a tiny handful of rapacious plutocrats share even a farthing of their windfall with the rest of us, and responding to the supposed crisis of Social Security by some combination of f***ing current and future recipients and regressive taxes on wage-earners.

By the same token, more lefty types urge Democrats to embrace policies they like, including Medicare for All, expediting the transition from fossil fuels, and defending intellectual freedom.  All worthy goals, to be sure.

Each side quotes from polls suggesting some empirical support for their positions, including galaxy brain questions like do you think both parties should work together.  You'll never guess how most people respond!

And we exclude from this discussion the perennial contributions of reactionary Republican hacks and shills who likewise advise Democrats on the only path to political success: agree with them!

Mr. Hamilton Nolan said all that needed to said about St. David Brooks and his Disciples:

His masterful dissection of this always-erupting bull**** volcano can be found here.   All we can add is “Amen.”

Well, OK, we couldn't resist one quote:

It is one thing for a Republican pundit to write “I dislike socialism.” It is another, more ridiculous thing for a Republican pundit to write “Democrats must reject socialism, for their own good.” The only thing that exceeds the uselessness of writing these types of columns is the reading of them

But back to the rest of the nattering nabobs of Democratic negativism.

We all know why Medicare for All or not tormenting trans kids and their parents are good things.  We get it.

But what are the deep moderate thinkers offering up as proposals for Democratic victory, in a time when our Republic and our rights are under constant attack, our nation has blundered into one foreign policy disaster after another, and our systems for protecting public health and the environment have been annihilated?

The obvious answer is...national service!

Wut?

This turkey has been floating around for a long time.  Recently it was espoused by lovable moderate California Gov. Gavin Newsom:

On mandatory national service: Newsom says all Americans should be required to serve their country for "a year, six months minimum," whether through the military or volunteer work, as a way to rebuild shared experiences: "I don't know how else you build this country back together." 

He didn't come with this idea all by himself.  Maybe it was pillow talk from his high-mileage ex-wife Kimberly Guilfoyle.  

Maybe he got the idea from a different long-time Republican whore:

There's one thing that unites all the advocates of compulsory national service for young people: the advocates are middle-aged or better and therefore under no circumstances would their lives be disrupted by a year of involuntary servitude.

The point of this idiotic proposal is to rescue Kids Today from their current wasted lives of screens, drugs, and dinner with Jeffrey Epstein. Oh, wait a minute, that was St. David Brooks.

Imagine Matt, St. David, Frank, and Ezra bonding

The attacks on the younger generation as dangerously lazy and dissolute have been going on for as long as older white men have looked down at them with envy. Their minds were supposedly corrupted over the years by pool (thank you Harold Hill), comic books, television, gang membership in either the Sharks or Jets, MTV, AOL instant messenger, the Internet, and today's favorite vice, screens.  

It's one plague after another, each rotting the brains of tomorrow's leaders.  Yet each generation grows up and, in its middle-aged wisdom, believes the next one are a bunch of lazy ignorant putzes.

The cure for this, according to St. David and others, is to make high school graduates labor for nothing in the hot sun or join the military to be sacrificed in insane wars dreamed up by generations of Republican clowns (like Brooks) or demented Fascist dictators. 

It's not just a way to save money and avoid spending tax dollars on things like maintaining national parks.  It's also good for the little bastards:

What would it mean to the future social cohesion of this country if a large part of the rising generation had a common experience of shared sacrifice?  

St. David's question is so compelling that it has led us to ask what would it mean to the current social cohesion of the country if lazy rich white men and their shills had a common experience of shared sacrifice. 

Accordingly, we propose compulsory national service, not for young people eager to get on with their lives and build their careers, but for millions of layabouts who could really use the experience of sacrifice for the common good, like these: 

Bari should be proud to work in a naval shipyard

1.  Anyone whose net worth exceeds $50 million. Imagine how cohesive it would be for entitled megalomaniacs like Jeff Bezos or Ken Griffin to clear trails or repair outhouses in National Parks.

2.  Anyone who gets or has a regular column in the New York Times or other mainstream media outlet or is appointed head of a national news organization. Imagine how a year of pick and shovel work would toughen up Bari Weiss's chubby little mitts and give her a new outlook on what real America is like.  Same for Joe Kahn at The New York Times.  Get off the floor Joe and start picking up litter in Prospect Park!

3.  Anyone who has enough spare time to start a podcast.  Is there anything more useless and divisive than a podcast?  Why not put Joe Rogan's mighty muscles and Ezra Klein's mighty mind to work for the nation?  With the Mad King killing off Haitian TPS, who's going to change Grandpa's catheter if Joe and Ezra won't?

4.  Anyone who graduates from Dalton and Harvard.  These elites are known for believing that they have a deep understanding of the hopes and dreams of the common people.  Surely they would want to get even closer to them by working at food pantries or free health care clinics.  Someone's got to sort the cabbage or bag the medical waste and it might as well be Matty.

5.  Anyone who wants to work as a political consultant.  This is another group who constantly profess their connection to the Common Man.  Why wouldn't Morris and Frank jump at the chance to spend a year in their midst, mending lobster traps in Lubec?

6.  Anyone who dumps his wife because he's banging his 30-years-younger research assistant.  Nothing is worse for social cohesion than divorce.  If you don't believe us, do what St. David Brooks does and ask Jesus.

You may have your own list.  If your goal is fostering social cohesion, let's start with the generation most in need of the experience.  Further, we'd argue that those who get the most from society should give a little bit back and let young people alone.

We like this idea.  That's why we, employing the same thought process as every other bulls*** slinger, think that it is wildly popular with the electorate.