Report from Capitol Hill: Another problem solved!

By Isidor Feinstein and Nellie Bly
Spy Washington Bureau

Proving once again their inability to govern, House Republicans today threw the grenade whose pin they had pulled in January, voting to oust former Speaker Kevin McCarthy at the request of the Scourge of Florida Deb Balls, Matt Gaetz.

All day long the insufferable talking heads speculated wildly about the likelihood that some, a few, any moderate Democrats would ride to the aid of the embattled Speaker, who, it will be recalled, endeared himself to Democrats and patriots everywhere by supporting the Tangerine-Faced Defendant's continuing insurrection against lawful government in the United States and the preposterous but also sad trumped up impeachment inquiry against real President Biden.

They were shocked, shocked to learn that Democrats were not inclined to support a weak feckless extremist subversive lying Trump and Putin tool.  This came as a harsh blow to the Problem-Solvers, the self-described caucus of Republicans and Democrats who believe, notwithstanding their own eyes and ears, that America's pressing problems could be solved if only children and refugees among others were sacrificed on the altar of bipartisan compromise. 

Last time we looked, the so-called Problem-Solvers were looking to solve the problem, if indeed it is one, of refugees entering the United States by – locking them up.

Democrats told the likes of Krysten Sinema thanks but no thanks and the Republic endured.

This time, when Democrats told the Problem-Solvers that they had no interest in propping up the most inept, unpatriotic, and extreme Speaker in Republican history, the Problem-Solvers decided it was time to stage a mass sulk:

NEW: Republicans on the bipartisan Problem Solvers Caucus are considering quitting the group “en masse” after Democrats in the group voted to oust McCarthy, per a GOP member of the group.

Latest sign of fallout after the historic removal of the speaker.

confirming @juliegraceb

— Melanie Zanona (@MZanona) October 3, 2023

After all they have done to save our country, this is the thanks they get!

Before the vote the Washington mainstream gasbags were full of, let's call it speculation about how Democrats could save the Man from Bakersfield if they saw the bipartisan light:

But some Democrats could vote to rescue McCarthy — especially if he strikes a last-minute deal with House Minority Leader Hakeem Jeffries (D-N.Y.) to change the House rules, bring more funding for Ukraine up for a vote or to back other Democratic priorities.

Yeah, that didn't happen:

Democrats thought about voting with a majority of Republicans to help McCarthy keep his job. They contemplated it but ultimately decided not to; every Democrat present voted against McCarthy.

There are lots of reasons Democrats dislike McCarthy: He’s all-in on Donald Trump; he just launched an impeachment inquiry into President Biden over “allegations”; and he thwarted Jan. 6 investigations. But the last straw for them was seeing McCarthy on TV over the weekend trying to blame Democrats for the near-shutdown, reports The Washington Post.

“He dug his own grave,” one person in the know told The Post about why Democrats weren’t saving him.

Perhaps the last shovelful was McCarthy's effort to renege on his promise to hold a vote on aid to Ukraine, which commands wide bipartisan support despite the 100+ members of the House Republican Putin Caucus.

It turned out that once again the Pride of Bakersfield was lying, weak, evil, and advancing the interests of Vladimir Putin – the Republican Grand Slam:

The California Republican now says that if Democrats want a new package of aid to Ukraine... they must help pass the GOP “border security” agenda.

As long as Republicans seek to torment
refugees, we'll use this picture

But McCarthy’s proposal is about much more than “border security.” If passed, the GOP agenda would dramatically roll back certain types of legal migration to this country and otherwise transform our immigration system in numerous radical, cruel and reckless ways.

And bonus Republican points: deporting the Anne Franks of today to meet their fates would be a undeniable violation of U.S. treaty commitments under international law!

How could Democrats abandon a prince like this in his time of need?  It's not like he was seeking protection from a violent mob persecuting him for his political beliefs, because he doesn't have any.

So why did Republicans defenestrate their Speaker and plunge the House into chaos?  What was so important to them?  Glad you asked:

[Rep. Bob] Good asserted in a floor speech Tuesday that McCarthy was more interested in remaining Speaker than in cutting spending. 

Good had his white robe in a twist because McCarthy gave up on the Republicans's insane continuing resolution demanding a 30% cut in all spending that helps people, like providing food and health care:

Earlier proposals from House Republicans would have cut hundreds of billions of dollars from programs serving millions of Americans, including nutritional aid for pregnant mothers, housing subsidies for low-income families, funds for medical research and initiatives to protect the environment, among others. 

And who needs government anyway?

[Hard right Republicans] are determined to not only slash spending levels but remake the U.S. government, which they view with growing enmity and criticize as “woke and weaponized.” Some conservatives have downplayed the effects of a government shutdown and even contend that it would have benefits.

“The Biden regulatory agenda comes to a grinding halt with a government shutdown,” Russell Vought, an influential strategist among the right-wing lawmakers, posted on social media this week.

Sound familiar?  The usual gasbags moan that the Republican Party has descended into chaos from the heights it once occupied in the misty golden past, but it sounds to us like the same anti-government ragtime that lovable Ronald Reagan implanted into the brains of good Republicans over 40 years ago. And has it been 30 years since Newt Gingrich, in between getting his rocket polished by a woman not his wife, shut down the Government to demand a cut in Medicare?  How time flies when you're bats*** crazy!

House Republicans caucused to determine next their steps

In fact the Republican proclivity towards blowing up the government unless it stops doing anything to comfort the afflicted or afflict the comfortable is almost two generations old, as is its embrace of white supremacy.  The clowns who unseated Kevin McCarthy swim in that Republican mainstream. 

The only new wrinkle is that government chaos serves an additional goal: weakening the institutions of democracy to assist the return of tangerine-faced Fascism.  Fascists and totalitarians from Lenin to Mussolini to you know who have always sought to undermine the institutions of democratic government so that they can build reactionary dictatorships based on hatred of others and cultlike worship of the Dear Leader.

That's all they have.  Nancy Pelosi was able to keep a tight grip on her five-seat majority because Democrats want to legislate. Republicans have no legislative agenda, other than tax cuts for the rich, white supremacy, and chaos. 

So now what?  Republicans, with their genius for performative petty vengeance, left town while their minions punished Democrats for voting Democratic by taking away Nancy Pelosi's Capitol office while she was off in California mourning with the Feinsteins.

They'll eventually put some hard right stooge back in the Speaker's chair on the condition that he shut down the Government the week before Thanksgiving.

Meanwhile, if the Problem-Solvers are really committed to a bipartisan solution to cleaning up The Mess in Washington, they could nominate for Speaker a moderate, mainstream, cautious bipartisan compromiser.  His name is - Hakeem Jeffries.